"Too often fear provokes us to prepare for bridges we may never even cross" when we could have been appreciating the gifts in the present moment.
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Sunday, December 30, 2012
Buddhist Perspective on Quelling Anger
In The Elimination of Anger, Ven. K. Piyatissa Thera offers us a Buddhist perspective on how to quell our anger. A link to the full excerpt can be found Here! but I will outline a specific technique in this post that I found especially helpful. I will also follow up with some of the other techniques he offers in future posts.
"When we feel angry with any person, we should try to find out some good in him, either in his way of thinking, or in his way of speaking or in his way of acting. If we find some redeeming quality in him, we should ponder its value and ignore his bad qualities as natural weaknesses that are to be found in everyone. Whilst we think thus, our mind will soften and we may even feel kindly towards that person. If we develop this way of thinking we will be able to curb or eliminate our anger towards him."
This is great advice from Ven. K. Piyatissa Thera. I know because I have used it. I'll share a personal anecdote with you. I made a lovely friend in college, and as we became closer I shared with her my past and my pain. More specifically, I shared with her some quite damaging experiences I had with my father, violent outbursts and psychological trauma that began (as I am able to remember) at age 3 and continued into adolescence. As I got older my overwhelming fear of this man transformed into aggression. As a result I was able to defend myself and ward him off more easily. Finding freedom from this trauma has begun and it continues.
I confided many memories with my friend in much more detail. She had a lot of questions which often felt more like an interrogation. Towards the end of our college career she would ask me when the last time I spoke to him was. 'I never speak to him, why should I speak to him now?' I thought.
It is important that I tell you my friend had a beautiful relationship with her father. But at age 17, her father passed away, perhaps just 3 years before we became friends. At times I perceived her as sympathetic towards my father, as though he is actually a victim.
Try to remember a time, if it has happened, when someone empathized with, or victimized someone who hurt you tremendously. What an awful feeling when someone close to you turns the tables, empathizes with your oppressor, and calls him/her the victim instead of recognizing you as the one has suffered. This is what I perceived to be happening and it pained me so much. I became so angry and disgusted with her. I thought 'does she not have sympathy for me or resent me because she thinks I am unappreciative, since my father is still alive and hers isn't?'
How wrong I was, how terribly did my own defensiveness cause me to completely misread her actions and her speech. We spoke about it one night and it turns out she never felt that way at all. Hearing about my past actually made her appreciate having the kind of relationship with her father that she did even more, in spite of the fact that it had been cut short.
But before I knew this, I daydreamed about sending her a message via facebook never to speak to me again because I can't possibly stand the agony of trying to sustain a relationship with someone who victimizes someone who tormented so much as a child.
What a blind foolish thing that would have been to do. What a horrible mistake such an action would have been.
One day, I started remembering all the wonderful things about her that made her a friend to be cherished. She is genuine, down to earth, kind, and one of the best listeners I know. When we get together at her place and she looks at me and says 'How are you?' or "How have you been?' It is not a hackneyed conversation starter or mere small talk. She really wants to know, and when I respond she looks right at me the whole time, attentively. She really cares about what I've been up to and she asks because she really wants to know. It might sound simple, but having a friend who is an active listener is so special.
Ven. K Piyatissa Thera's advice rang true for me, and could for you too. I remembered these things about her and boy did I soften up. How could I ever let foolish anger sever such bond?!
You can Like Thought Spot on Facebook Here!
"When we feel angry with any person, we should try to find out some good in him, either in his way of thinking, or in his way of speaking or in his way of acting. If we find some redeeming quality in him, we should ponder its value and ignore his bad qualities as natural weaknesses that are to be found in everyone. Whilst we think thus, our mind will soften and we may even feel kindly towards that person. If we develop this way of thinking we will be able to curb or eliminate our anger towards him."
This is great advice from Ven. K. Piyatissa Thera. I know because I have used it. I'll share a personal anecdote with you. I made a lovely friend in college, and as we became closer I shared with her my past and my pain. More specifically, I shared with her some quite damaging experiences I had with my father, violent outbursts and psychological trauma that began (as I am able to remember) at age 3 and continued into adolescence. As I got older my overwhelming fear of this man transformed into aggression. As a result I was able to defend myself and ward him off more easily. Finding freedom from this trauma has begun and it continues.
I confided many memories with my friend in much more detail. She had a lot of questions which often felt more like an interrogation. Towards the end of our college career she would ask me when the last time I spoke to him was. 'I never speak to him, why should I speak to him now?' I thought.
It is important that I tell you my friend had a beautiful relationship with her father. But at age 17, her father passed away, perhaps just 3 years before we became friends. At times I perceived her as sympathetic towards my father, as though he is actually a victim.
Try to remember a time, if it has happened, when someone empathized with, or victimized someone who hurt you tremendously. What an awful feeling when someone close to you turns the tables, empathizes with your oppressor, and calls him/her the victim instead of recognizing you as the one has suffered. This is what I perceived to be happening and it pained me so much. I became so angry and disgusted with her. I thought 'does she not have sympathy for me or resent me because she thinks I am unappreciative, since my father is still alive and hers isn't?'
How wrong I was, how terribly did my own defensiveness cause me to completely misread her actions and her speech. We spoke about it one night and it turns out she never felt that way at all. Hearing about my past actually made her appreciate having the kind of relationship with her father that she did even more, in spite of the fact that it had been cut short.
But before I knew this, I daydreamed about sending her a message via facebook never to speak to me again because I can't possibly stand the agony of trying to sustain a relationship with someone who victimizes someone who tormented so much as a child.
What a blind foolish thing that would have been to do. What a horrible mistake such an action would have been.
One day, I started remembering all the wonderful things about her that made her a friend to be cherished. She is genuine, down to earth, kind, and one of the best listeners I know. When we get together at her place and she looks at me and says 'How are you?' or "How have you been?' It is not a hackneyed conversation starter or mere small talk. She really wants to know, and when I respond she looks right at me the whole time, attentively. She really cares about what I've been up to and she asks because she really wants to know. It might sound simple, but having a friend who is an active listener is so special.
Ven. K Piyatissa Thera's advice rang true for me, and could for you too. I remembered these things about her and boy did I soften up. How could I ever let foolish anger sever such bond?!
You can Like Thought Spot on Facebook Here!
Friday, December 28, 2012
Must pain be a part of a journey towards enlightenment?
It seems knowledge is the precursor to Wisdom, necessary to achieve Wisdom, yet it is the ultimate roadblock.
How many of the perceptive get trapped by the vices of anger and fear as a result of knowledge, struggling not to cling to it, and end up wandering through Samsara once again?
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How many of the perceptive get trapped by the vices of anger and fear as a result of knowledge, struggling not to cling to it, and end up wandering through Samsara once again?
You can Like Though Spot on Facebook Here!
Rumination.
We can replay it in our heads with all the things we should have done and said in a futile attempt to create some alternate dimension of reality in which justice was served, closure was achieved, or revenge was had.
But yesterday died and the event is over. The only thing this rumination achieves is the creation of a dimension of reality in which the anger or sadness continues even after the event has passed. I guess this is the logic from which the famous phrase 'just let it go' comes from.
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But yesterday died and the event is over. The only thing this rumination achieves is the creation of a dimension of reality in which the anger or sadness continues even after the event has passed. I guess this is the logic from which the famous phrase 'just let it go' comes from.
You can Like Though Spot on Facebook Here!
A Mantra to Help Defeat Anger.
The following is a mantra I came up with to help myself and others in the process of breaking free from anger towards those who have hurt us.
I hold no anger towards any friend, lover, family member who has caused me great pain by misunderstanding me, disrespecting me, judging me unfairly, treating me poorly, or neglecting me. I forgive them all, including every stranger that has ever slighted me or mistreated me in any way. I forgive their foibles as I remember my own. I trust that their actions came from a place of ignorance, fear, anger, or hurt, not a conscious effort to hurt me, but rather, at least in some cases, to protect or defend themselves as they perceived it necessary. For this reason I have compassion for them. I wish them the same wellness I wish for myself and I will rejoice at their happiness.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Turning conventional medicine inside out and upside down.
The following is a link to a video. This video is an example of the tremendous power of the mind, of beliefs (which is grossly underestimated) as manifested through the most jaw dropping case of hypnosis in medical history.
Healing of a Genetic Disorder via Hypnosis
If the video is not enough for you and you're curious for more data, I have also attached a pdf file of the case study, which was published in the British Medical Journal in 1952.
The Case Study
In addition, here is a link to the TIME article. Unfortunately, it seems you cannot read the full article unless you have a subscription. Supposedly the subscription is free. So if you do have a subscription or you'd like to sign up, here is the link for you to check it out!
TIME; Medicine: Entranced Skin
P.S. I'm sure at the end of the video you might be wondering 'whatever did happen to that young man?!' Well there is another upload of the same video that is more complete. I couldn't find that one so I will tell you what is said right here. The young man wanted his identity protected so we don't have his name. However, he was about 60 years old, and married without children, when the documentary was completed. It seems he was able to go on and lead a normal life! <3
If you are interested in a full documentary on the placebo effect you can check this out:
Cracking The Code
Happy Holidays! And Happy Blogging! Xo
You can Like Though Spot on Facebook Here!
Healing of a Genetic Disorder via Hypnosis
If the video is not enough for you and you're curious for more data, I have also attached a pdf file of the case study, which was published in the British Medical Journal in 1952.
The Case Study
In addition, here is a link to the TIME article. Unfortunately, it seems you cannot read the full article unless you have a subscription. Supposedly the subscription is free. So if you do have a subscription or you'd like to sign up, here is the link for you to check it out!
TIME; Medicine: Entranced Skin
P.S. I'm sure at the end of the video you might be wondering 'whatever did happen to that young man?!' Well there is another upload of the same video that is more complete. I couldn't find that one so I will tell you what is said right here. The young man wanted his identity protected so we don't have his name. However, he was about 60 years old, and married without children, when the documentary was completed. It seems he was able to go on and lead a normal life! <3
If you are interested in a full documentary on the placebo effect you can check this out:
Cracking The Code
Happy Holidays! And Happy Blogging! Xo
You can Like Though Spot on Facebook Here!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Others have pasts and pain just like you.
Below is a link to a post from a neat blog that I follow.
Carl Jung Depth Psychology: The Chaotic Currents of Life
The content is brief but poignant. Carl Jung reminds us in the quote that everyone alive suffers. Sure, this is nice to remember during our own times of pain so that we know we are not alone, but I think this simple fact has even greater implications. If we find ourselves listening to our neighbor talk about his or her pain and not accepting it as real or legitimate, we should tread with extreme caution. When someone trivializes another's pain, it only fingers an open wound.
It is very easy to feel like the biggest or even the only victim of life's sometimes unfair and unpredictable nature, and then trivialize the pain of our brothers and sisters. I have seen this brand of ignorance all too often. We should remember to be humble, remember that we are in our own bag of skin, looking out at the world from our own set of eyes, with our own past, unable to feel the emotions of others as they experience them. For this reason, being judgmental of the magnitude of another's problems or pain is neither fair nor wise.
Remembering and accepting this simple fact in Jung's quote can allow us to deepen and broaden our empathic capacity. Then, as we become less fixated on validating the severity of our own issues and getting wrapped up in our own problems, we will have the emotional energy to consider the pain of others. If we practiced this, a more loving culture would gradually emerge in which everyone receives empathy and comfort in moments of distress. It is a slow build. One person at time, just one person at a time...
Carl Jung Depth Psychology: The Chaotic Currents of Life
The content is brief but poignant. Carl Jung reminds us in the quote that everyone alive suffers. Sure, this is nice to remember during our own times of pain so that we know we are not alone, but I think this simple fact has even greater implications. If we find ourselves listening to our neighbor talk about his or her pain and not accepting it as real or legitimate, we should tread with extreme caution. When someone trivializes another's pain, it only fingers an open wound.
It is very easy to feel like the biggest or even the only victim of life's sometimes unfair and unpredictable nature, and then trivialize the pain of our brothers and sisters. I have seen this brand of ignorance all too often. We should remember to be humble, remember that we are in our own bag of skin, looking out at the world from our own set of eyes, with our own past, unable to feel the emotions of others as they experience them. For this reason, being judgmental of the magnitude of another's problems or pain is neither fair nor wise.Remembering and accepting this simple fact in Jung's quote can allow us to deepen and broaden our empathic capacity. Then, as we become less fixated on validating the severity of our own issues and getting wrapped up in our own problems, we will have the emotional energy to consider the pain of others. If we practiced this, a more loving culture would gradually emerge in which everyone receives empathy and comfort in moments of distress. It is a slow build. One person at time, just one person at a time...
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