Death, Life, Dualism, and the Beauty of Impermanence.

Without impermanence, a child cannot change. Without change a child cannot grow. Without growth a child cannot experience the joys of life and eventually become old. Without becoming old, a child cannot die. Without impermanence there cannot be death. Without death there could not have been life. Without impermanence there cannot be life.

Without dualism, the codependency of opposites that allows them to exist, nothing would exist. There is woman because there is man.

 There is life because there is death.

You can Like Thought Spot on Facebook Here!

Surrender, give up.

Without giving up the fight to prove something, without surrendering your pain, and without giving up your pridefulness, forgiveness is impossible. Here is a daily mantra I made for myself and others to use.

Forgiveness: Surrender that is Courageous

I surrender the fight. I surrender my anger. I surrender my pride. I surrender my hurt. I forgive everyone who has mistreated me with harsh speech and action as I remember my own wrongdoings. This freedom is truly blissful.

You can Like Thought Spot on Facebook here!

I'm afraid to fail.

The most successful people risk the most failures, so they have failed the most. Success comes with perseverance and patience. 

You can Like Thought Spot on Facebook Here!

Typical New Yorker Being A Bitch On The Subway.

The commute from a backwoods NJ rural town to NYC, and an overnight shift with a sometimes aggressive man who suffers from dementia, left me drained and exhausted. It also left me a little careless, as I quickly stepped onto the subway car, worried that if I didn't move quickly enough the doors would close on the tip of my nose, forcing me to wait another 15 minutes with a stuffed book bag on my back, and another bag in hand, not to mention a sore nose.

Luckily, I made it onto the subway car with all my things and my nose intact. Then suddenly, I heard an angry voice yell 'If you wait a minute I'll move!' My jaw dropped. Whoa, that was nasty! Is she talking to me?! Did I bump into her or shove her without realizing? It was an accident! Unintentional bumps or shoves should be expected by people who live in the rustle and bustle of NYC! And someone who did so without the intention to harm certainly doesn't deserve such a nasty attitude!

True or false, none of that matters, at all. To engage those thoughts would have been for me to engage my pride. And when we engage our pride, others engage their own pride and the whole thing gets ugly very quickly. So I thought, let me try something different and let go of pride. Let me just try it, if for even just this once, and see what happens if I let go of my desire to defend my position as a victim of her nastiness. Let me just try it and see what would happen if I let go of my desire to show her why she was wrong for having a bad attitude. Let me just see what happens if I just try it, and let go of my pride.

Here's what happened to me in this instance when I let go of my pride.

I walked over to her and gently asked 'excuse me, did I bump into you before?'

Looking up at me from her seat, she rolled her eyes towards the top of her head, closed her eyelids and began to nod adamantly, accentuating her chin's upward, and then downward motion.

'Oh, I am so sorry, I didn't even notice it happen. I am really sorry'

She put her hand out towards me as if to tell me not to fret and said 'Thank you'. She seemed appreciative.

That felt so much better than holding onto my pride and starting some pointless scuffle. If I had done that, I would have an angry feeling attached to that memory. I might have remembered her as a "typical New Yorker" or "that mean bitch from the subway".

I am so glad I chose to leave pride behind and apologize to her. Now when I think of that incident, I actually like her, and remember her fondly.

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, take a few deep breaths, and just try it, just once just try it. Please.

You can Like Thought Spot on Facebook Here!

When people treat you like crap, and it feels like crap.

Have you ever felt disgusted and hurt after someone mistreated or insulted you? The answer is likely yes... But do you notice yourself consistently hurt, angry, and/or offended by others' actions toward you? Do you ever feel like you just don't have skin thick enough for this world, or wish you could protect yourself indefinitely from major and minor insults?

Personally, I answer yes to most of the above questions. I have pondered and read a lot in an effort to discover a way to escape feeling this way, and a thought occurred to me. When I looked inward, I saw a craving for respect. I have a terrible craving for respect, so much so that even a dirty look, a slight from a stranger that I bump into on the subway, or the wrong tone of voice, can sometimes throw me into a defensive mode and I well up with anger and hurt.

Whenever someone is insulting or hurtful to me, essentially what I have been saying in my head is 'How dare they speak to me like that!' 'How awful that they disrespected me like that!' 'This feels so horrible to not be treated the way I deserve!' That's a lot of "me" and "I". These are not outlandish or unreasonable responses to rude or nasty offenses, but they do reflect a desire. A desire to be respected. When a desire consumes us and envelopes our mind, it becomes a craving.

And a craving makes us extremely sensitive when that craving is not met.

So what can we cry babies do when we are not treated kindly, so that we don't feel so awful when it happens? First, some humor always helps =p

But seriously, us cry babies need to recognize that the cause of our negative feelings is our craving for respect. Then we must recognize that the inverse of insisting that the world respect us, is practicing humility.  When practice humility it shifts the focus away from "me" and "I". And when you're not so concerned with getting X for yourself, (X= respect) then when you don't get it, its not such a big deal. To become less concerned with being respected we have to change our attitude.

When someone is disrespectful or nasty to us, we can be grateful towards that person, because they have given us an excellent opportunity. We can take that moment to say 'I will not go on the attack, or defense, I will remember that this negative feeling is a result of craving (for respect) and attachment to the illusory ego. This is a great opportunity to practice humility'. Then you choose to ignore or politely say you're glad to discuss things when everyone is calmer. This attitude dulls the hurt.

We can also view them as the teacher in the moment, having presented us with a challenge to rise to, an opportunity to learn a lesson. This attitude dulls the anger. 

I'm not saying that we should let people walk all over us. What I am saying is that we cannot change how other people choose to treat us, but we can change the lenses we use to view a situation. Anger is a draining experience and a destructive force.  But when we change our view of a situation from 'attack from a jerk' to 'opportunity from a teacher' we have no reason to feel angry or hurt. Changing our view in this way allows us to free ourselves from selfish anger and feel more peaceful and happy. It's not a favor for the other person. We have everything to gain and will feel much happier with this outlook.

Pretty lofty, right? How in the world do we change our attitude so radically? I mean, after all, we're not all exactly saints or sages...

The only adequate answer I have found for that is daily practice, practice, practice! We have to wake up every morning and decide to practice this attitude. Consistent practice is the only practice. We don't have to master it every time. We just have to keep practicing. It's a lifelong journey with great rewards along the way.

And of course, regular meditation will make this "humility practice" much easier.


You can Like Thought Spot on Facebook Here!

A Simple Guideline for Happiness

"Guideline" is the most accurate word I could have used, as we know the chaotic currents of life do not allow us to follow formulas.

 Anyway, it goes like this:
1. Do good deeds
2. Speak good words
3. Think good thoughts.

 Succinct, yes, but I believe it is a saying dense with wisdom. Not to mention, it covers it all.

Each time we act, speak, or think, we should be practicing this. No one said it was easy. Doing these three things consistently requires rigorous mental exercise.

You can Like Thought Spot on Facebook Here!

An Analysis: The Wave, Directed by Dennis Gansel

The Wave

What made The Wave so attractive to the students? The charisma of the teacher, the excitement that comes with sudden and drastic change in an otherwise predictable class dynamic, sure. But the most fundamental reason why The Wave was so seductive has far-reaching implications about how we perceive ourselves, and how we function in the world.

Part of our egos usually contains a potent political or religious identification. Other constituents of the ego could be musician or teacher. I am a democrat, human, Christian, philosopher, environmentalist, cynic, maverick. I am a ____. There is nothing you can put in the blank that will not identify you as part of a larger group. And when a group sentiment has enough power, it can consume the members so that for each individual, the entirety of their ego is defined by the group, rather than association with many groups, or an amalgamation of beliefs, feelings, and experiences. There is one self among many bodies. Once that happens, the group has become its own organism. And that’s hat happened to the students in this film.

In a human organism it is the brain that sends signals to the body to execute tasks. But where is the command center in the group organism? Two options pop into my head, a tyrannical dictator, or the definition of the group itself. In The Wave the teacher represents the tyrannical dictator. However, the students allowed common, potent beliefs to take hold of them even when their leader was not present. The beliefs/conditioned mindset became the manipulator.

Most of the time though, we are not part of a group organism such as the one depicted in The Wave. Self definition, or ego, is usually as individually created as it can be, as we pick out what we like or agree with from what society makes available to us, define the essence of who we are with these feelings and beliefs, then defend it to the death. Of course, we are not our beliefs, we are not our feelings. What we are exactly is still a mystery, but that’s for another post. Our ego drives all of our behavior. So why does this matter?

It matters because every unkind or destructive act is a result our attachment to our ego, whether it is an ego belonging to a group organism or an individual organism. Destructive defense mechanisms that kick  in when our self concept is threatened come from a dark place within the ego, what Jungians call the “Shadow”. 

Some Buddhists might argue that the ego is a dark force overall. The point is that our attachment to our ego causes us to become defensive in order our preserve our conscious image of who we think we are, whether it is good or bad. And this defensive, behavior, coming from the Shadow aspect of the ego, is often in the form of manipulation, passive aggression, overt cruelty, or even physical abuse, towards others or oneself. Ann Shulgin paints a vivid picture of what the Shadow is. “This shadow aspect of the human psyche, while it remains unconscious, can be blamed for all wars, from tribal conflicts to battles between great nations. It causes racial prejudice. It underlies jealousy and resentment. You’re seeing the Shadow in every vampire and werewolf movie and its face is the face of a very popular figure called the devil or Satan".

When we detach from our ego, we become less defensive, and the less defensive we are, the kinder we are able to be. Hence, detachment from the ego leads to increased kindness, humility, and empathic capability.

For a clear understanding of the Shadow, how it works, and its implications, click on the link below for a riveting speech by researcher and psychedelic psychotherapist, Ann Shulgin.


Ann Shulgin on the Shadow


You can Like Thought Spot on Facebook Here!