Step 1. Remind yourself of what it is about that person that you find so terrible, or of the things he or she has done that you felt were unfair and hurtful.
Step 2. Look inward. Think about the things you find so terrible about the person who hurt you, or someone you don’t respect, and then look for those things within yourself. Try to remember a time when you did something similar to someone else (maybe even make a list!) and remember all the factors surrounding your actions. Were you having a bad day? Were you feeling insecure or threatened? Were there more distal factors such as childhood experiences that may have contributed to your behavior?
Step 3. Have compassion. Step 2 is important because it allows us to relate to the one who has hurt us. Think to yourself for example, ‘When I did X, I was actually really scared…maybe the one who hurt me did what he did because he was scared too’. It is easy to have compassion for those you can relate to.
Step 4. Forgive and enjoy the freedom! Once you have compassion for the one who has hurt you it becomes easier to forgive.
Note: We often think of forgiveness as something we do for others. While it does prevent us from potentially being nasty or hurtful to the person who has hurt us and those who have not, it also liberates us from our own anger and cleanses the spirit. I would like to make it a point to say that forgiveness does not equate to trust. Just because we forgive someone does not mean that we need to fully take them back into our lives, unless it seems appropriate to you given your situation. However, forgiveness does mean that you hold no more anger towards the one who has hurt you and that you wish that person wellness and happiness.
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I love step number 2!
ReplyDeleteyes, it really is the turning point!
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